


Endings and beginnings

by anairim



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Comfort, KuroKen Week 2020, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:41:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23630242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anairim/pseuds/anairim
Summary: Kenma rolls his eyes once again, he exaggerates the gesture so much his eyeballs start to kinda hurt. His friends’ reassurances helped: he doesn’t feel like complete shit anymore.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42





	Endings and beginnings

“So you’re telling me,” Kenma says. “You’re not angry.”

Losing the match against Karasuno had always seemed very much _possible_ to him. As it had seemed winning it. At one point, he swears he had been sure victory would be theirs, but, as his father always says: _Probabilities, Kenma, are backstabbers._ And, indeed, today Probabilities are against Nekoma. Against Kenma, specifically. _Those bitches_.

“ _You_ are the one who’s angry,” says Yamamoto, slurping down grilled meat and plain noodles in one bite. “Shake it off!” He gives a demonstration, moving his shoulders freely, like he’s dancing the macarena. “Nobody died.”

“Probabilities of dying on the court are very low…” Fukunaga elbows him in the hip, waiting for him to finish the sentence, but Kenma flinches slightly 'cause it’s almost like he read his mind and Fukunaga’s attempt to make him laugh meets an awkward silence.

“That’s when you say: _But never zero._ ” Lev chimes in, joyfully grabbing at a piece of tofu from one of the sharing plates. “Right, Kenma-san?”

Kenma ignores him, glances at Yaku 'cause he doesn’t wanna risk looking at Kuroo. “Not even _frustrated?_ ”

“At losing the match? _Yes_ ,” Yaku says, through a mouthful of food. “At you? _Why would we?_ ”

“Yeah, that’s dumb.” Kuroo’s voice brings a sudden quiet. He hasn’t spoken a word since they left the gymnasium. It’s obvious he’s upset, even if he tries to hide it. That’s the matter with Kuroo, he thinks. His emotions are too loud, too clear, too _understandable_. He wears his fucking heart on his sleeve and gets it torn and bloody all the time. “Could have been any of us, really.” He finally says, gazing up at him with half a smile. Just a second. _How could I ever be mad at you for this?_ He got salmon at a grilled meat place in total dumbass fashion and now he’s playing with it in his single plate, cutting the skin aside cause he hates that part, it’s just _too floppy in your mouth and bleargh_.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Kai tells Kenma, then. “You touch the ball a lot more than we do. The probabilities of you messing up were just higher.” “True, true.” Yaku nods, then grins.

“Also, Lev kinda sucked. If we look at it in proportion, it’s all on him.”

“Hey!” Lev starts pouting and Shibayama, next to him, props his elbows on the table, resting his chin on his hand. “Now that i think about it,” he sighs. “There were a lot of times you were covering Yaku-san’s view.” “What?!” Lev looks at him, in utter betrayal, whining: “Shibayama, I thought we were friends!”

“See?” Yamamoto almost roars. “I knew it was all Lev’s fault.”

“Fine, fine. I get it.” Kenma rolls his eyes, grabs a serving of fried rice to make his teammates shut up and says: “Don’t make the giant baby cry.” Yamamoto sneers at him, passes him a bunch of meat cuts he stocked on his plate.

“The giant baby being?”

Kenma rolls his eyes once again, he exaggerates the gesture so much his eyeballs start to kinda hurt. His friends’ reassurances helped: he doesn’t feel like complete shit anymore. But still, he thinks, munching down on a clump of rice, did it _have_ to be the goddamn match point? Did it have to crush Kuroo’s dream so suddenly? Did it have to snap Kenma’s shortly after it was born?

“Life is so _unfair_!” Lev blabbers. Kenma is too absorbed in his thoughts to make sense of what the others are talking about around him. But they are loud and cheery and it almost doesn’t seem like the end of an era. It almost feels normal.

It doesn’t last long.

“Who’s gonna be the new captain?”Kuroo asks, with a slightly pained tone. _He’s gonna cry when he gets home_ , Kenma realises, and the thought is almost enough to make him throw up. He doesn’t wanna be the reason behind Kuroo’s tears but there he is. Stupid Probabilities, letting Kenma mess up on the match point, letting Kuroo fall in love with him. _Cruel, awful bitches_.

The table falls silent after Kuroo’s question. He ruined it. Kenma watches realisation fall down on his face as he tries to find something to say to lighten up the mood. Yaku does it for him and punches him on the shoulder. “Piece of shit!” he shouts. “You just made me sad.”

“Come on! I wanna _pass the torch_ , as they say.” Kuroo leans back, crossing his arms, looking a lot more like himself. “Kings did it.”

“I should be captain!” Lev says, casually. “I’m your pupil, Kuroo-san.”

“Let your _senpais_ shine, you greedy ass!” Yamamoto shoots back, obviously waiting for Kuroo to say his name. But Kuroo looks at Kenma, expectant, hopeful. Like he did months ago. _Are you in love with me too?_

“I vote for Tora,” Kenma says with a scowl, hurrying to break off eye contact.

“Agreed,” Fukunaga follows shortly, and then Shibayama, and then Lev. And then Yaku says: “You’ll do a great job.”

“Thaks, sir!” Yamamoto says, giving him a salute on the brink of tears.

Kuroo smiles at him, hands him a tissue. “Captains don’t cry.” Kenma shakes his head subtly. _What kind of bullshit_.

It’s when they are alone on the way home that Kuroo finally talks directly to him. “It’s not your fault,” he says.

“Okay.”

“I don’t want you to blame yourself for such a stupid thing.”

“Okay.”

“It makes me mad to think _you_ think _I_ would be mad because of it.”

“Okay.”

“I’m not mad.”

“O—”

“Don’t say _okay_.” Kuroo stops on the road, gets left behind three or four steps. Kenma stops as well, opens his arms then let’s them fall down his sides, as if to say _what now?_ “I wanted you to be captain,” Kuroo says. “Did you really mean what you said to me after the match?”

“I can’t be captain, Kuro. Tora is better.” There is a pause. Kuroo says nothing. He’s waiting.

Kenma had said: _Thank you_.

_Thank you, for getting me into volleyball._

_Thank you, for being my friend._

_Thank you, for loving me_.

“I don’t just throw words at people,” he tells Kuroo, now. It’s dark out, it may even start to snow. Kuroo’s eyes glow in the streetlight like crystal gems. “Yes, I really mean it.”

“You are still going to play?” Kuroo asks. Why is he so hopeful? Why does he insist so much? Why, why, why, won’t he give up?

“I told you I like it,” Kenma tells him.

“You only like volleyball?” Kuroo attempts to get nearer, but only manages one step, before something stops him. He’s careful, he doesn’t want to scare Kenma off. Since he was a kid, he wears blue earflaps in winter and Kenma recently started to think he looks adorable. Now he even has rosy cheeks and that same hopeful glance he spared him so may times before. Kenma knows him so _so_ well his heart aches. Possibilities fucked him up, today.

“No,” he whispers. “I like you, too.” And then Kuroo is hugging him and Kenma is hugging back, nailing at his coat through gloves, saying, “I’m sorry it’s over.”

Kuroo shakes his head decisively. “It’s just started.”


End file.
